


everything was fine

by lvecean



Series: Break Me Down, Build Me Up [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, I'm Sorry, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Post-Kerberos Mission, Sad, Shadam, adashi, idek anymore, shada - Freeform, they need each other, they think Shiro died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 00:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15449409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvecean/pseuds/lvecean
Summary: “You- Oh, god, Keith. What did you do?”“I- I didn’t mean to, Adam.” And with those words the always-angry boy broke. Sobs shook his small body and he gripped his owns sides violently in an attempt to stay grounded. Everything about the situation was heartbreaking. From the small, whimpering sounds escaping Keith’s lips to the trembling fingers finding purchase in the hideous orange fabric.Adam wrapped his arms around Keith’s small shoulders and let the boy cry. He squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his hold around the distressed boy. “What happened?” he asked softly, whispering in an attempt to somewhat calm his friend down.“Adam, it’s- it’s Shiro,” Keith said, his voice slightly muffled against the older man’s shoulder.





	everything was fine

**Author's Note:**

> I am back with angst :) 
> 
> This is where Keith and Adam find out that the Kerberos mission 'failed.'  
> Have fun. I guess?
> 
> Oh, btw, if I ever phrase things weirdly, please correct me. I am not a native English speaker and mostly self-taught?? So yeah, thanks!

The last few months had been… hard, to say the least. Restless days, filled with meaningless conversations with meaningless people were followed by sleepless nights, occupied only by thoughts about his lost lover. That’s what Adam’s been referring to Shiro with,  _ lost lover _ . Because, he thought, they’d lost each other and were waiting for the right time to find each other again. Just a matter of time, he was sure. 

Until everything changed by the devastating message coming from supposedly unoccupied moon on the outskirts of their galaxy.

The message had reached Adam late. One could even say that  _ he  _ reached the  _ message _ instead of the other way around.

It had been a seemingly innocent autumn day, and Adam had chosen to take advantage of his free time by driving out into the deserts on his bike. The thing was old-fashioned. It still ran on fluids and hummed deliciously as it came to life. Shiro and Keith had this weird thing with their hoverbikes, but nothing could beat the feeling of metal and leather coming alive underneath his touch.

He’d driven for hours, passing mountain after mountain of soft sand and yellow rocks. The scenery was quite boring with its endless amounts of sand, but it was a nice distraction from all the emotions the air inside the Garrison buildings carried. It was a nice distraction from the emptiness waiting for him.

And, logically, Adam knew he’d told the man to get out. Several times and with a really angry voice. But had he really meant it?  _ Hell no.  _ Nothing could’ve prepared him for the  _ devastating _ heartache he’d felt when he’d come home the next day to an empty apartment. Because not only all physical reminders of Shiro’s presence had been removed, his spiritual energy seemed to have gone with it. Leaving an empty shell of an apartment for Adam to live in.

Adam had wiped his eyes to rid his cheeks of lost tears at the sight of the empty closet that once had been filled with a familiar citrus smell and messy piles of clothes. He had - in true teenager-heartbreak fashion - turned over all the pictures that still showed his Shiro’s perfect smile. They were but reminders of what he’d let himself lose. Of what he’d chased away, let leave without as much as an attempt to keep close.

The wind had whipped his short hair, ruffling it and making it even messier than it already was. Sharp air cut in his face and made his eyes tear up. It hurt in the best way.

The day had really been refreshing. He’d drank his warm water from the flask he’d brought, and chewed on the dry bread he’d pushed in one of his pockets. It was far from perfect, but everything he needed to take his mind off things.

Things like Takashi’s blinding smile that never failed to reach his eyes. Things like Takashi’s playful smirks and flirtatious comments, warm hugs and arms wrapping around Adam’s own, smaller form. Things like their teasing banter, more often than not about the bigger man’s  _ awful _ haircut. Fluffy mornings where Adam would wake up to soft kisses being pressed to the exposed skin of his neck, where they’d make breakfast together and eat it with Shiro’s stupid podcasts as soft background noise.

Those were the things he desperately tried  _ not _ to think about when he came home from work to find his apartment dark and empty. Or when he would wake up to a cold bed and without the smell of fresh baked eggs drafting into the bedroom.

And only after about eight hours of driving did he decide to return to the Garrison. The following day was just a normal day where his alarm clock would wake him up at five in the morning. With a small sigh and quick squeeze of his eyes, Adam guided his motorcycle around, back to the ugly building he knew hid behind the dune in front of him.

He revved the engine of his vehicle and smirked at the angry sound it made. Immediately he felt the thing push itself forward even harder, extracting more energy from the fluids he’d filled her up with at the beginning of his trip. His leather jacket (an old-fashioned thing Shiro had found in a vague store that sold all kinds of stuff from the early twenty-first century) flapped a bit in the wind, the sound lost in the combined noise of the powerful engine and crunching of the sandy path underneath the fastly spinning wheels.

He drove and drove, mindlessly watching the scenery flash by faster than his eyes could catch up with it. He smirked to himself as he sped up  _ just _ a bit. The wind whipping just a bit harder, and his motor’s huffs and puffs just a but louder.

This was what he’d needed. It was… more stressful than he liked to admit to walk around in the Garrison’s hallways, looking that familiar, awful haircut and bright smile, only to realize that the man those things belonged to was floating around on some moon on the outskirts of the Milky Way. Empty apartments, lonely meals, silent nights, devoid of any dumb conversations, made Adam feel like he’d made a mistake by pushing the one person he cared about away.

It hurted, a lot more than he like to admit even to himself. But, he knew, if he’d let Shiro stay in his life he would’ve had to much hope. And hope could he a god-awful emotion when it could lead to some serious disappointment. If he hadn’t pushed Takashi away, he would’ve spent his days waiting for the man to return to his side, to fill that void he’d left in Adam’s heart.

Now, at least, he didn’t spend his days  _ hoping _ but rather  _ longing _ . All he could do was hope that it was better this way, but there really was no way of knowing.

He grit his teeth as he saw the ugly building of the Garrison appear from behind the hill. It would take him about ten minutes to get there, with his current speed. He was tempted to slow down, just to delay his arrival. But, the speed was addicting, and he found himself slowing down sooner than he would’ve liked.

The building’s sand-colored walls blended in nicely with the rest of its surroundings. Adam approached it almost hesitantly, not wanting his day to end but knowing he should go back home sooner rather than later. He carefully guided his vehicle to the garage, a large building seperated in two parts; one for the Garrison’s defensive vehicles, and one with cars, jeeps, truck, and Shiro and Keith’s beloved hoverbikes, all for personal use. If you had the right documents of course. (Adam thought Keith and Shiro probably didn’t have the right documents.)

He parked the motorcycle, and swung his leg over it with a deep sigh. Eyeing the building with squinted eyes behind his glasses, he pulled of his helmet. Shiro would’ve probably laughed at his fluffy hair. You know, if he wasn’t on Kerberos and they didn’t break up.

With another sigh and a shake of his head, he started making his way to one of the many entrances. The door let out the familiar beep at reading his personalized card with the ugly snapshot-like picture taken when he’d just started his higher training and education. The hallway beyond was empty, devoid of any warmth one would expect of a place housing so many people. But this was the Garrison. And the Garrison didn’t know what ‘home’ meant.

He pushed his hands in the small pockets of the leather jacket, hands clenched into fists. His eyes were cast downward, looking at his booted feet stomping through the hallways. The floors were shining, sterile and white like a hospital’s. He pushed past doors leading him to the more crowded parts of the buildings where the cadets slept.

More than a few people were outside of their dorms, gathered in small groups and discussing things worrying enough to bring frowns to their usually indifferent faces. He frowned and checked the time on the digital watch he wore. It was already well past the time every cadet needed to be in their room. Before he could raise his voice to command them to return to their dorms  _ immediately,  _ one of the superior officers came stomping down the hall.

The teenagers’ eyes blew wide as they made a path for the woman, all raising their right hand in the proper, respectful greeting. The woman didn’t blink an eye and kept almost running along. Adam frowned at her, wondering what the story behind all this was.

The kids, conversations now broken up, seemed to finally notice Adam’s presence. Their reactions were like none he’d ever seen before. Some looked pitying, worrying their bottom lip and quirking their eyebrows upward. Others quickly looked away and pretended to haven’t seen him.

He grumbled, he did not have the time nor energy to deal with teenagers’ antics right now. With a deep sigh, he tightened his grip on his helmet and continued his way to the part of the building where the teachers, higher officers and other adults slept. An ominous feeling made its home inside his stomach.

These hallways were empty, it made him wonder where all the other teachers had went. Because, unlike the students, the adults didn’t have a bedtime. And it wasn’t unusual for them to wander around the facility late at night. Adam wasn’t the only one with ghosts.

It only made the nervous feeling in his gut expand, swirls of anxiety making him nauseous. He quickened his pace, seeking the relief he hoped he’d find within the four walls of his own apartment.

He quickly pressed his keycard against the small scanner next to the door, and with a small beep and a click, the door slid open. The apartment beyond it was empty. As it had been every day since Shiro had left. With a small sigh and a rub to his eyes, he threw the card to the kitchen counter and slipped out of his jacket. The heavy thing hit the floor with a loud thud and the clinking of the metal buttons.

His stomach growled, but sleep was what he needed. Even if he would only manage to catch a few hours, he was exhausted and nothing sounded better than sinking into the soft mattress of his two-person bed. He opened the door, completely expecting an empty room.

Instead, he found a small form sitting up on the edge of the bed. His back was rounded as the person curled in on himself, still dressed in the orange Garrison uniform that marked the cadets. The person, small but not fragile, was shaking with the force of angry tears. His black hair a mess on top of his head was the telling sign of who this person was.

“Keith?” Adam asked as he rushed to the boy’s side.

The teenager looked up at the sound of his name. And if Adam’s heart wasn’t already broken into a thousand miniscule pieces, it would’ve broken in that moment. Because the clear look of distress, hurt, anger, and… betrayal were enough to break anyone’s heart.

Keith’s eyes were red-rimmed from running tears and rubbing hands. His pale cheeks were flushed with a combination of embarrassment and anger. Thick eyebrows furrowed, but loosened up just slightly at the sight of the familiar teacher.

“Keith, what happened?” Adam sat down next to the distressed boy. He’d never in his five years of knowing the kid, seen him look this small. He knew the boy’s usual go-to would’ve been Shiro, but since the older man had left the two of them had grown closer. The young cadet didn’t have much friends. His permanent scowl and his effortless perfection in almost everything he tried made sure of that.

The boy sniffed and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his uniform. The thing was crooked and crinkled, several buttons undone. “I- I punched Iverson.” He was looking up at Adam with big, indigo eyes that, for once in his lifetime, didn’t have the walls raised up in front of him. Keith’s emotions lay out in the open, ready for Adam to do with them whatever he wanted to. This boy in front of him was done fighting. Maybe literally.

Adam bit his lip. “You- What? Keith, that’s- God,” Shiro had always been better with situations like this, always the one of the two that knew how to deal with emotions, “alright, no need to panic. Let’s… get you something to eat first.”

To Adam’s surprise, the boy shook his head, disheveling his hair even more. “I can’t stay. They, um,” Keith’s eyes flitted down to the bruised and bloodied knuckles of his right hand. He breathed in once and held his breath as he looked up at Adam, tears in his eyes. “I got kicked out.”

“You- Oh, god, Keith. What did you do?” Adam’s voice was laced with concern for the younger boy. He knew his situation, knew that this was the kid’s only change of ever getting proper education. It had been luck that he was assigned for the Big Brother Program Shiro had applied to, and that the man had chosen him.

“I- I didn’t mean to, Adam.” And with those words the always-angry boy broke. Sobs shook his small body and he gripped his owns sides violently in an attempt to stay grounded. Everything about the situation was heartbreaking. From the small, whimpering sounds escaping Keith’s lips to the trembling fingers finding purchase in the hideous orange fabric.

Adam wrapped his arms around Keith’s small shoulders and let the boy cry. He squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his hold around the distressed boy. “What happened?” he asked softly, whispering in an attempt to somewhat calm his friend down.

“Adam, it’s- it’s Shiro,” Keith said, his voice slightly muffled against the older man’s shoulder.

Adam’s entire body froze.  _ Adam, it’s Shiro.  _ Takashi, his sweet Takashi, who was on a mission to the other side of the Milky Way, and something had happened to him that had caused Keith to lash out and get kicked out of the Garrison.

He shifted his hands so they were gripping the trembling boy’s shoulders tightly. With his grip, he forced Keith to pull away and look into his eyes.

“Keith,  _ Keith _ , listen to me. Can you tell me what happened?” Adam surprised himself with the steadiness of his voice.

Keith opened his mouth, but only a pained sob came out. He moved to hide his face behind his hands but Adam forced him to look him in the eyes.

“Come on, Keith.  _ Please _ , I need to know.” His voice cracked. He was pleading the younger boy to say that Shiro was alright, that he was crying because he was expelled and not because of whatever it was that had happened to Shiro.

The young boy choked on a sob and turned his head. His intense indigo eyes were closed as he bit his trembling lip. When he opened his eyes again, he was looking down at the floor. “He’s gone, Adam.” Those thick eyebrows were furrowed and silent tears slipped out of his eyes. “He’s- he’s gone. There was a- a  _ pilot error _ and… they’re all dead.”

The boy’s shoulder hiked up to his ears and violent sobs overtook his body again. “He’s  _ dead _ , Adam. Shiro’s dead, and I- They didn’t tell me  _ anything _ .” Keith made no move to dry his tears as he was now full-on crying.

He began a sloppy story, with cracked voice and sobs and hiccups breaking words. But Adam wasn’t listening. Somewhere inside of him his brain registered the words, but he didn’t  _ understand _ them. Because, Shiro couldn’t be dead. It just…  _ couldn’t.  _ He was supposed to be on the mission,  _ just a few months _ , not…  _ this. _

Adam surprised himself as a broken sob escaped his parted lips. He slipped his hands off Keith’s shoulders, but the boy stopped his untangling by wrapping his arms tightly around his neck. In response, Adam curled his arms around the small boy’s waist and buried his face in his neck.

If anyone were to walk in at that moment, and were asked to describe the moment with one word, it would be  _ heartbroken.  _ Not  _ breaking  _ but  _ broken _ . Because these boys’ hearts weren’t just breaking, they were already broken down to pieces too small for either of them to pick up and mend together.

The next day the two would wake up with tears sticking to their cheeks and lashes. They’d grip each other and cry  _ more _ . But, after breakfast, they would fight. They would be screaming at each other, angry sneers and vicious words.

_ Heartbreak _ made the younger boy turn to the last person he had. And Keith would leave, slamming the door behind him and never returning, for a year later he would join the lost pilot in a quest to defend the universe.

And Adam would be left behind. He would continue teaching, although with strained smiles that never reached past his lips.

The boy had lost the one person that had ever believed in him. The one man that would stand behind him, hand on his shoulder and promising smile full of confidence in the boy who’d never been loved.

The man had lost his love. His counterpart. His soulmate. He’d lost grey eyes gazing up at him, filled to the brim with a love too strong to be put in words. He’d lost strong hands that would grip his waist as they panted and gasped, but would always help him back up if he were to fall. 

The world had lost Shirogane Takashi. Greatest pilot of possibly the century. Most Handsome man of the past four years.

But these boys had lost not  _ just _ him. They’d lost a part of their family.

And that was something impossible to replace.

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY TO PUT Y'ALL THROUGH THIS I promise there is some fluff on its way. Y'know, Shadam/Adashi reunion? Broganes first meeting? Those kinda things.  
> OK leave me some headcanons/fic ideas in the comments or just cuss at me, either is fine <3


End file.
